I went to see the doctor the other day. I filled out my forms online, in advance, like a good little patient... and then again in-office with paper and a pen. At one time a peak annoyance, this now expected inconvenience pales in comparison to what came at the end of my appointment:
The doctor sees me, tells me how to fix what ails me, and walks me out to the check-out counter. There are two lovely human women sitting in front of my face, working on computers. One of them looks up at me and says, "Ellen will check you out." But instead of gesturing to the woman next to her, she points to an iPad on a stand, attached to the check out desk. I turn in confusion to see a woman's face spring into view on the iPad. She asks for my date of birth. I looked up at the human women in front of me unsure of what I was experiencing. She assured me: "Ellen is a real person, not AI, you just talk to her and she'll get you checked out."
What in tarnation is happening to me right now? The only action needing to be performed right now is for me to hand over my credit card, pay the $75 deductible, and be on my way. Instead, "Ellen" is asking me to scan the QR code taped to the iPad, enter my credit card number on the (secure) website that pops up, and confirm my identity with a 2-factor authentication link that requires my facial recognition and the creation of a temporary PIN "conveniently emailed to the account on file with my doctor's office. I'm fairly certain I was in a mild state of shock throughout this process. It took 8 minutes and 24 seconds to complete this journey when Ellen then tells me, "you can pick your receipt up from the printer on the checkout desk." That's right, the receipt is generated in person, the humans activated the iPad for me, the QR code was in-office physically taped to the iPad, and my credit card I were in office. What the hell just happened?
You'd think that was where this nightmare ended, but nope, there was one more jump scare waiting for me: one of the eleven buttons I was prompted to press throughout this process included a tip button! A tip button! Amidst this horror, they had the gaul to ask me for an additional 15%, 20% or 25% for this torture. What kind of masochistic bullshit is this?! At this point, I was most certainly in shock and in need of a different type of doctor all together.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have never been so confused and so mad, simultaneously. The two human women in front of my face continued working on their computers like this was as normal as a morning cup of coffee, yet here I was feeling like I had just been Punked because there is no way in the world that what I just experienced was real!
Tell me how this moved society forward? Tell me what problem this solved? Tell me how this helps the customer? How it helps the doctor's office? Tell me the reason this process was 'invented'. I'm willing to bet it has something to do with releasing liability from various parties and harvesting my customer data.
Get off my lawn.
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