A Brilliant Idea (If I may be so bold)

I love tattoos! I don't have any, but I love them nonetheless. I think artists who can paint on skin are insanely talented and some of the coolest images I've seen have been in tattoo form. I'm still waiting on my "perfect design" to come to me so in the meantime I ruminate about all the options. Here's my latest: (disclaimer note to Mom and Dad - this is not a design I am contemplating for myself; I merely hope to influence at least one person to try this).

You're young, maybe 19, 20 years old. You're female. You're thinking about getting a tattoo. Well have I got the perfect idea for you: Pangea. On your stomach. BOOM!

How neat of an idea is that?! You get the tattoo when you're young and skinny and it looks like this:

Then, a few years later, you get pregnant and as your stomach gets bigger, you watch millions of years of tectonic activity happening before your very eyes and it looks like this:

(Side note: if you happen to be a grade school teacher this could be a very good addition to your lesson plan.)

Yep, these are the thoughts that I think.

Can Someone Please Explain?

So I've got some friends who like fashion. They post links, suggest blogs, have subscriptions to the magazines, and work for the companies that design the frocks. Now I'm not a total spaz when it comes to style, but I am by no means a fashionista. Let me explain. I was doing research one afternoon and came upon this headline:

CORPORATE FARMER: THE NEW TREND FOR MEN

Looking like anything but farmers in suiting with checkered shirts at Tom Ford

What the what? Corporate Farmer? Really? I mean, sure, they're wearing gingham (a term I learned not too long ago) but other than that they look pretty GQ to me. Plus, the caption of the very photo touting "farmer" as the new look, praises these gentlemen for looking unlike a farmer. I don't know what that means. So should one look like a farmer this fall or not?

Next headline:

Must? Really? What's gonna happen to me if I don't have? Are my lace-free boots not good anymore?

And then there's the Man Repeller…

A very cute lady, who most of the time looks very cute and stylish, but who all of the time has on an average of 13 more pieces of clothing than I would ever think to put on my body at once. Take this entry for example: A Lesson in Layering

How to choose? What's too much? And where the heck do I store the 97 articles of clothing it takes to make 11 outfits? So confused.

There's so much going on in the fashion world that sometimes I think it's more complicated than finance or nuclear physics because at least those are based on numbers with concrete right and wrongs* and the ability to prove and disprove with the Scientific Process. How do you test the hypothesis that plaids and stripes are a no-go? That linen and leather are hot? That denim on denim is tacky? There ARE. NO. RULES. Ahhh!

* clearly not referencing the current US financial market on this one...

For the Love of Pete

Apple thinks they're soooo cute with their ad campaigns. Soooo clever. Soooo awesome. Well here are my thoughts:

1. Re: the image and example they're using to promote the iOS5 iMessage feature - it's a conversation that goes like this:

- "Hello from the office!"

- "I'm off the grid, sorry. I took this today:

(picture of smiling white people riding in 3rd-world-looking-vehicle)"

- "Looks like fun. Wish I was there."

No. You know what? You're not off the grid. Off the grid implies that you're off the grid and off the grid means off (as in not locatable on) the grid (the map of society and its inhabitants). Go ahead and say you're on vacation, sure. Say you're just checking in to make sure your mortgage payment went thru (cause sometimes, even at the best of times, you can't neglect the real world) but for the love of Pete, you are the farthest thing in the world from "off the grid" if you're connected to the internet on a mobile device that contains apps like Find My Friends, Check-in and helloooo, GPS (which incase we've all forgotten stands for global positioning system).

2. Re: the new iPhone 4S Siri voice recognition software demo:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4D4kRbEdJw&feature=player_embedded

Really people? Really? We need to read text messages while on a sweaty run? And furthermore, we need to answer them? For the love of Pete, I think you're friends and family and hell, even a coworker or two, can wait 30 minutes for you to take a breather.

And really, how precious that a blind person can go from reading a braille book to responding to a txt message about dinner plans. Actually I'm serious about that one; that's pretty cool. But on the real, great, now she can text message; what's she gonna do with the other 199 amazing new features of the phone? She can't command her birds to fly into the TNT filled crates and free the little pigs, can she? Cause I'm pretty sure that'd be cheating.

Apple we get the your products are awesome and revolutionary and even scientifically advancing, but for the love of Pete, let us breath. Why do you want us to be tethered to computers every waking and sleeping moment of our lives? Why do you want us to want our "friends" to know where we are all the time? Why do you want everything to live in a cloud? You know, moving things to a cloud doesn't help overpopulation in any way. Are you going to turn your customers into computers with the next OS X update? I can see the ad now:

We did it. The most quiet operating system ever.

Introducing OS X 10.7.2 OCELOT.

Just plug yourself in and send your thoughts to a cloud that will send your thoughts to your friend's cloud who will respond by sending their thoughts to their cloud, but because their cloud is full of music and contact's addresses you may have to wait a few minutes for them to find their thought and get back to your cloud.

Made for everyone. Loved by Librarians*.

*crotchety old ladies with gray-blonde buns in their hair and orthopedic shoes of a taupeish color who held a clear hatred for sound and therefore always told you and your friends to shush when your voice went above 3 inches.