The Human Condition

The world is not a terrible place. There is always hope and we will continue to go on and do amazing, unbelievable and positive things as a society. Tragedy is a part of being alive – it’s a terrible thing and we all hope to experience as little of it as possible throughout our lives, but it exists and will continue to exist for as long as we do. We are a smart, hearty and resilient people who learn from our experiences in an effort to make the good times better and the bad times less frequent. But the key to doing this is to listen to one another, to try and understand one another, to care about and for one another. Without this very simple act, we make it incredibly hard on ourselves to improve our situations.

Remember all the adages we learned as kids in school? ‘The Golden Rule’, ‘walk a mile in another persons shoes’, ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’, ‘make new friends, but keep the old’… these are not just little quips we teach to children because they sound nice. They are the building blocks of a thriving and powerful society. Applied to the world of children it may mean something as simple as don’t make fun of Bobby because he likes pickles on his sandwiches, but translated into the adult world it’s everything from religion to love, family, professions, recreations, and material goods. It means taking a second to breath and think before reacting with hate and anger and disagreement. It means using that second to “walk that mile in their shoes” and perhaps understand – even if it’s the tiniest most fraction of an understanding – what it is that makes that other person feel or act that way.

I don’t know whether times really are that tumultuous right now or if it just seems that way because we have a 24-hour news cycle and unlimited access to social communication with people from all reaches of the globe, but one thing I do know is that we will move forward; we always have and we always will because surviving, adapting, evolving and thriving is what we do.

Pandora’s Box, from Greek mythology, was a jar containing pain, turmoil, disease and a plethora of other terrible burdens. Pandora opened this box and let all these terrible plagues out into the world for man to experience. But what Pandora didn’t know was that also contained inside this “box of destruction” was hope. Hope, so that even in the seemingly darkest of times, man could believe that things would get better. Hope is key to the human condition. Hope is positive thinking and belief turned to action. Hope transcends our differences. Whether you believe a God will help to make things better or that we as humans are entirely responsible for our betterment and advancement, hope lies at the center.

Religion is a belief. No one knows for certain whether a God (any God) exists. Those who believe do just that – they take it on faith and hope that this deity exists and is up there looking down on them and in one way or another, through a series of signs, is affecting the events of their life. This is a beautiful and powerful concept that requires continuous devotion and love and should be respected. If this is what you believe in, then that is great. I don’t believe in any religion. I am not Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist or any other faith. I am a good person who wakes up every day looking for the good in the world and for the positive in my experiences. I am good to the stranger on the street for no reason other than he too is a human and deserves respect and consideration.

I think that people should be able to immigrate to America in the hopes of starting a better life for their family; I think we need much stricter gun control; I strongly think that any two people who love each other should be able to marry in the fullest sense of the meaning and raise a family together. I believe that humans should be able to go to the doctor without first thinking about how much it will cost.  I believe in all of these things and more, and I also respect your right and opinion to believe the opposite.

I believe so deeply and so truly, right down to my little toes, that humans are good. This is a belief that has been tested much over the last few years of my young adulthood, but it is one that has not wavered. There is no doubt a lot of hate out there, but I do not think it outweighs the love; I just think it’s easier to expel hate in the oft-anonymous online world in which we conduct our lives. So in the wake of this inexplicable and unparalleled tragedy let’s not instantaneously jump into fights with each other over what we do and don’t think are the appropriate or inappropriate steps, but rather take that second to breath and open a discussion with one another about how we can come together and work to better everyone's situation for next time. 

Gone Adventuring

I noticed something during my time in Costa Rica. I noticed that Westerners (I'll refrain from the generalization of Americans) believe that the entirety of Costa Rica is a jungle to be conquered. I say this because everyone, and I do in fact mean everyone, was wearing either hiking boots, Tevas, those newfangled toe-shoes, or athletically inclined high-tops... ON THE PLANE. It's an airport folks; made of carpet and cement which leads you to an airplane where you sit still like a mannequin for 5 hours. You're not scaling anything, you're sitting still. You're then ushered off the plane and into yet another airport, albeit this airport is in the exotic mystery-land of Costa Rica, so perhaps it will have dirt floors and the customs office will be in a giant tree house. But wait, it's not. It's a regular old airport with regular old floors and regular old customs officials. You'll be shuffling along a laminate floor with the rest of them.

Just cause there's lots of trees on the brochure for the place doesn't mean they're not a developed country with roads and paved pathways - you're gonna survive even if you're in more delicate footwear.

Everyone Looks American

The tricky thing - and really cool thing - about traveling the world as an American, is that every person in every country looks American. I was in the San Jose city center the other day and I needed directions to a business I was trying to find so I scanned around for someone who looked like they spoke English. What does that even mean, "looked like they spoke English"?

Americans come from everywhere so everyone looks american. I remember from my travels a few years back, I was in a hostel in Istanbul and my brother and I were cooking a big spaghetti dinner for a bunch of people. We knew, because we'd asked, where each of the people was from and they ranged from Germany, England, Spain, and Romania, to Russia, Singapore, and Japan. We were all sitting around the table together engaged in conversational topic-hopping but my brother and I were the only ones speaking our native language; everyone else was speaking their second or third language. We were talking about subjects like how to open a beer with a piece of paper, what's the best Greek Island to visit, our favorite foods from home and deeper topics like the world's economy (it was early 2009).  Each of them spoke perfect english (albeit slightly accented) and could have passed for an American in every instance.

I love being American. I love that my friends are "from" countries like India, Sweden, Mexico and Germany. I love it because it means different viewpoints, different values, different ways to 'skin a cat', and the benefit perhaps most often reaped: yummy yummy different foods!

So there you go, everyone looks American, and while that may not be advantageous when seeking english-speakeing direction-givers, it's pretty awesome in almost every other way.

I'm Insulted...Kinda

Thank you very much for the information, but I don't appreciate when a fashion blog calls 'lazy," the outfits that I wear every day. What's so lazy about a fitted pair of jeans, a nice simple sweater and some cutesy flats? It shows an understanding of patterns, materials, colors and requires some level of thought. Each of these outfits was featured on a fashion blog, store website or Pinterest page under the heading of "Lazy Day Apparel". What the why?

Now these can definitely be called lazy day apparel:

Come to Your Senses

Smell, taste, sound, sight and touch. Those are the traditional senses and these are some of my favorite examples of them:

     The smell after a good rain.

     The taste of celery smothered with the perfect ratio of peanut butter.

     The sound of a wave crashing onto sand.

     The sight of the moon gently shrouded in clouds.

     The feeling of freshly brushed teeth.

Favorite metaphysical senses include:

     That faith-redeming feeling when a stranger does something nice for you.

     The energy of walking hand in hand with the person you love.

     The excitement of seeing your family when you walk through the arrivals gate at an airport.

     The experience of coming upon a massive natural wonder revealed as if from behind a curtain.
     The jitters you get seconds before the game starts as you wait in ready position.

Consumerism

This blog is coming to you from the parking lot of my local Ikea. Don’t question it -  embrace it as "method writing" in this chapter of Humans are Weird.

I like to look at fashion and take note of what I think are nice outfits, pretty outfits, stylish outfits, trendy, classic and out-there outfits. Sometimes I think I might just care enough to start trying these looks out on myself. I stock up on a few magazines, head to the shops and then recoil in defeat as I realize that every outfit, no matter how simple has 17 components to make it look like the mannequin, and frankly I don’t care enough to get the belt that will go with only that one shirt-dress, the socks that go with only those boots, the hat that I’ll only wear with that one outfit IF and only if, I’m having a super high self-image day. Plus, even if I was super into it all, and I did go for it, where am I going to store everything? I’m on a tangent here, let me get to the title of this week’s entry – consumerism.

New things are pretty – they just are. They’re full of color, power, benefits and a hope for greatness. Admit it, every new thing you buy (on a want basis – we’re not talking needs here) comes with a little tag exclaiming, “buy me and I’ll make you better!”

But why is that? I highly doubt that a new phone is going to make me a better or more successful person than my perfectly functioning albeit 8 month old phone. An iPad isn’t going to get me a promotion or catapult me to fame. A new brown leather purse isn’t going to make me smarter. Yet even as I sit here typing these very words, my brain is fighting itself and thinking how much better I’d feel with each of those things.

Why is this? How did this come to be? I’ve never been a particularly materialistic person yet these past months I’ve found myself traipsing through the malls in search of…something. Hell, I don’t even know what I want; I just want it. It’s an icky feeling. It’s setting yourself up for disappointment every day because that thing you can’t put your finger on – that thing you crave - is never actually going to be the thing that end the craving. I gotta head for the hills and see some nature and breathe some fresh air. That should get me back on track.

Creative Writing.

It's something I both like to do, and in part, get paid to do. So why then have I not written an entry in almost 2 months? The answer: I don't know. Sometimes I have a fleeting moment of inspiration and think, "quick, to the bat cave laptop! Get this out while it's hot!" But I'm usually at work, or shopping, or in the park, or riding my bike, or some other equally inconvenient moment to start typing.

If you've got a spare 17 minutes, give it a read.

For this reason, I have a note in my phone titled Possible Blog Topics that I jot down little thoughts and realizations in for future reference. The problem is, as I sit here, fingers poised over the little white keys, I am not finding humorous inspiration is the tremendous amount of writing contained on a Budweiser can, or why exactly stores need a full address for a simple item return. I don't even remember where the thought, "in your face poor people" came from - surely that was sarcasm, right? I wouldn't have written that down literally.

I started this blog for myself to just get the thoughts out and see how they looked; I didn't even tell anyone about the site for over a year. Now, with 8 whole people following me, I guess the pressure is really mounting and clearly I need to step it up, kick it into gear, dig in, saddle up, roll up my sleeves, get my hand dirty, step up to the plate, give 'er, grab the bull by the horns, go for broke,  etc. etc. etc.

Paying for Comedy

For some reason this notion really makes me take pause and think about the precise action that is occurring. I am handing over money in exchange for what is essentially being talked at in a very specific manner. I realize that at its core, it's really no different than paying to watch someone dance or sing or even play a sport - I mean, the comedian is good at his "job" just like the athlete is good at their "job". It just feels different.

I can't whip a curveball at 90mph, my friends can't do 10 pirouettes in a row and none of us would be crowned the American Idol, but between the group of us we can definitely make each other laugh and I think that's where the weirdness lies. To some small extent, we can do what a comedian does -- we can make each other laugh.

I'm not saying I'm a comedienne, believe me, but I am saying that the weird feeling I get when I pay someone to make me laugh is probably in part because I laugh all day long for free and then pay to have a different person make me do it later. It feels weird.

You know what it feels like, it feels like that Monty Python sketch where Michael Palin goes to a clinic and pays to argue with John Cleese. On the surface it seems like an absurd notion - you can argue with anyone at any time; why would you ever pay to do it?  Some dudes want to argue, some want to be taught how to get hit on the head and I suppose that others want to laugh.

I know it's not weird but it feels it.

Talk to Text to Communicate

I was talking to my brother the other day. We were having a very lengthy, very detailed conversation. We were talking about more than just the weather and the latest movie releases, we were talking about decisions to quit jobs, go back to school, buy houses, etc. It was more than just shooting the breeze, it was a meaningful conversation.

The only thing is, we weren't actually talking at all. We were texting. Big, long, complex texts sent back and forth for about an hour. I was just sitting at home on the couch and I'm pretty sure he was doing the same - neither of us otherwise engaged in multi-tasking activities. And it wasn't until I brought up that I had been using the voice-text feature of my iPhone to send all my messages that he said he had been doing the same.

We both felt that what we wanted to say was too complicated and would take too long to type out, that we started using the microphone feature on our phones. So there we were, 3,000 miles apart, talking into our phones for over an hour, yet not actually on a phone call. In fact, neither of us even thought of picking up the phone and having a verbal conversation. We were both quite content just sitting in our little worlds texting a very detailed conversation. Is that weird? I think it's a little weird. Maybe it works the same as an a audible conversation when you know the person really well because you can attribute tone, mood, sarcasm and personality to the words. I could tell when he was asking a rhetorical question, when he wanted an answer, when he was just exaggerating and when he was joking around.

Anyway, it was a great "conversation," I just think it's so funny that it never even occurred to either of us to use the iPhone for what is is - a phone. Is this the new normal or should we work harder to keep the good old verbal conversation afloat?

Man's Greatest Achievements?

Air Conditioning and the Dishwasher.

Hope.

Can we not at least pretend to give it to the obese kids of America?

Give a kid a basketball, skateboard or frisbee. Not a la-z-boy.

I Love It.

Look at these simple, inexpensive ways to solve some major everyday annoyances. People may be idiots most of the time, but every now and then a good egg gets through.

Hey city dwellers, don't let careless parkers ding your precious wheels. Use your noodle. And when you're ready to drive, just pop it back inside the trunk.

Stop your cables from turning into the technological equivalent of a RAT KING. The only problem here would be having to consume that many loaves of bread.

Favorite pair of jeans not staying zipped anymore? No probs, just grab an old keychain ring. 

You're a courier and it's a rainy day, but you need your phone for directions. Problem solved. You're out on a leisurely weekend ride (people ride bikes in the rain) and want some tunes but don't want to wear headphone because you want to be hear the cars around you (you know, for safety). Problem solved.

Parades. They Still Happen.

Why? What is it about regular people walking down the middle of a street carrying cheaply made banners that causes us flock in droves to watch? Shouldn't we be pissed that a main thoroughfare in town is closed on a beautiful Saturday? What's so cool about a so-so band walking in unison behind horses wearing shiny vests? Shouldn't we rally for the addition of like, fireworks, ninja king fu fights and maybe some jousting? We live in the future, people!! We can go indoor skydiving, jump into velcro walls, ride in virtual simulators and do ANYTHING ELSE we want. Why do we still go to parades? Why?

Sure, these girls are cute, but do I care about watching them ride their bikes down a street? Can I also point out that they don't have helmets on but the police are too busy out parading to enforce laws. I bet home burglary skyrockets on parade days.

 

     Hmm, hard cement, stale popcorn, voluntary sirens, bad trumpeters and unless you're there at 5am, young enough to fit on someones shoulders, or 7 feet tall, a view of the back of someones head. Sign me right up.

Why on God's Green Earth?

Some people have more money than brains. Clearly. $587 for OVERALLS? Overalls are a workman's apparel. They are a serviceable piece of clothing with pockets, loops, and suspenders there to make holding all the various tools of the trade in place an easier task. What do these overalls provide that ANY OTHER PAIR IN THE WHOLE WORLD can not? Is $587 the cost to relive a part of your childhood? Is this company selling memories shaped like clothes? 

Memories aside, how on God's green earth could several feet of denim cost anywhere near that much money? And even if it did, what designer in their right mind would then purchase that material to turn into what, for this market, is very clearly a novelty piece of clothing, knowing full-well that they are going to have to attach an absolutely asinine price tag? And what does it say about the consumer who purchases them (other than the aforementioned more money than brains thing) and their apparent willingness to be completely and totally swindled? Humans are weird. And dumb.

Everything in Moderation

I love the 'F' word. I know it's not terribly ladylike and I truthfully don't use it all that often, but it's such a key utility player these days. It's a verb, a gerund, an adjective, a conjunction and an interjection; I think I've even heard it used as an adverb.

Sure, some say it reflects a limited vocabulary and is looked upon as a lower class way of speaking, but it's just so fucking emphatic. Everyone knows exactly how serious you are when you use it. The precise tone and mood of your sentiment is conveyed with crystal clear delivery. It's lovely.

But not all the time. Let's try and keep it clean, people, so that when it is used, it's special and really drives home the point.

This Just In

Julie Andrews is 76 and Joan Rivers is 78. They barely
look like the same species.

A new study, released yesterday, reports with visually conclusive evidence that singing while frolicking in the Swiss Alps is far better for your skin and greatly reduces your desire for plastic surgery when compared with a lifetime of judging other people and their wardrobe selections. Remember this as you age, ladies; it's very sound advice.

What's Old is STILL New?

I'll preface this by saying how much I wish I could have gone to Coachella and this entry, though written with the teeny-tinyiest tinge of bitterness towards the fun it's clear everyone had, is truly just an observation of what I noticed.

Fringe, feathers, face paint, moccasins, paisley, burnt orange, bangles (on the upper arm) and fur vests. These are a few of the outfit components I witnessed after the numerous Facebook picture postings of Coachella 2012. And I feel compelled to ask, "why?"

Just because it's an outdoor music festival doesn't mean you have to recreate Woodstock. In 1969, people didn't head to Woodstock dressed as Flappers. They dressed as themselves. Maybe I'm out of the loop, I don't know, but does wearing feathers and fringe make the music better? Does it make people more friendly? Does it make it more real?

Also, we have cameras capable of picking up the contours of a freckle from 20 feet away. Cameras that pick up the veins in a rose petal. Cameras that can capture a drop of water at more than 1,000 frames/second. Why then, would people blur, granify, texturize, yellowize, fade, grunge, overlay and cross-process their photos thus leaving them less vivid, less depictive and with less quality. This isn't the 70's, we don't live in a yellow-orange world. Things can be bright blue, crisp green and stark white. It's ok. People won't think you had any less groovy a time.

That's the end of my rant. I Don't get it; but then again, I don't really get lot's of things that are "cool" so maybe it's just me. 

Looking back from the year 2046: "Oh wow, remember that conversation? I can tell it was really deep and meaningful because of how we blurred the edges to bring focus to our faces and turned it all yellow for impact. I bet we were talking about the lasting effects of our actions on the planet and not whether there's a discernible taste difference between Bud and Bud Light."

Best Foot Forward*

That is, as long as there isn't a camera in front of your foot. I don't care if they're "healthy yoga feet;" feet don't belong on the home page of any website. Ever. One should never be welcomed to a place by a giant foot. Far too jaring. And gross. Shoes were invented for a reason: to cover gross feet.

Quick Thought:

I think there would be way more serious an uprising if the world ran out of chocolate than if it ran out of oil. Think about it.

Can You Open this Jar for Me Please?

I try to stay in shape but this seems ridiculous...

Nope, This is Rock Bottom

These are just some of the screwed up sentiments shared on Twitter during the Grammys. WTF is wrong with these ladies? How come they think this way? And even if they think this way, why do they post it on Twitter for people's eyes to see as if it's a good thing? People confuse me.

Is this Rock Bottom?

The following are headlines from TMZ. I know hollywood (if that's what you want to call crass, annoying, untalented reality stars) has always been crazy, but it seems they're just going out of their way to shout it out these days:

"Blake Lively gets 3 years of protection from metaphysically obsessed fan"

"Kardashian isters sued for $5 million for bogus diet pills"

"Floyd Mayweather: Some of My Best Friends are White; I can't be a racist"

"16 and Pregnant star arrested for stealing pregnancy test"

"Jersey Shore spinoff puts baby stores on Snooki alert"

"Whitney Houston's secret son not welcome at her home"

"Mike Epp's daughter claims he threatened to fuck her up"

"Kate Major charged of drunkenly beating 3 people up - including a cop"

"Jaleel White 'Urkel' rolls like a pimp"

I didn't know who this was until I Googled her, but this lady does nothing to enhance society or the lives of the people with whom she surrounds herself and therefore should be forgotten immediately. No more making money from pictures of her.

Cats and the Internet

They were made for each other.

I’m not a cat person – at all. Like, in real life I actually think I straight up dislike them, but give me pictures of them on the Internet like LOLCats, Cat Breadding, Cat Fonts, Cat’s with their heads in jars, kittens and dogs playing, kittens and babies fighting, fat cats, talking cats, ninja cats, wet cats, etc. and I’ll give you at least 2 hours of my life.

Truer Words

Why is this so true? Clothes can be worn more than once; they can be washed. But I get this twinge in my stomach every morning before I leave the house as I think to myself, "did I make the right choice? Am I going to be OK in what I'm wearing?."

Classy.

As followup to my 'epic' entry.

If you use the word classy to define your night, it wasn't and you're not.

You must use it only if accompanying sarcasm:

"We had a real classy pool party last night!"

The above picture and caption is a perfect example of how to use the word. And FYI, if you don't include the picture with the caption, people will assign a similar event in their heads because surely, you didn't just use the word in it's literal sense?